Wounds In The Way.
— I think one of the biggest challlenges for any creative is getting out of your own way. Simply allowing the work to flow from you. Learning to create without forming any judgements against yourself. For much of my career there truly was this feeling of not being enough. Not feeling adequate enough to make the kind of work I feel as though I’m capable of making…..and at times those are notions that still haunt me….still things I’m striving to…..
However I think slowly, surely…and with a great deal of patience and insight, I’m truly learning the value of appreciating both my self and my art. Learning not to lean so much on the outcomes of what I create and merely create, as I owe it to myself to simply express myself. And whatever comes from that creative output is just information to collect and assess
I can remember vividly for much of my life just living in this state of constant envy and comparison. These emotional states that have been with me far before my years as an artist. Mental states that have been with me since childhood. These ways of dealing with trauma that followed me into adulthood and into my creativity. Perceptions that always left me feeling unfulfilled and very empty…..
I would look at the life or work of others and feel as though myself or whatever I had created or was hoping to create was never gonna matter. Yet I think one day it dawn on me….or I shouldn’t say one day….I figure through a series of days, months, years of feeling a feeling that I knew whole heartedly wasn’t truly serving me, I realized that the common denominator was me. Me and my perception of things and how they were. Yet not to judge myself even for those outlooks, as I didn’t know. I’d never been taught how to deal with things I felt so personally connected to. For me, as I’m sure most artist can attest to —— The notion of your process, your output…..your approach to your art, can all feel like a testament to your being as a human. The feeling that the art is in fact YOU!……So, hence begin the long arduous, beautiful journey into self….and in within that, discovering that the art isn’t in fact you, merely just an interpretation of ideas and experiences. All things that have lead up until now…..and why, why would you get in the way of your now but judging whats in front you. So my challenge or I would be better serving myself to say, my goal in photography is to step aside and let life life…..and to witness it unfold without bias. Collect that information and move accordingly. Push myself towards the mild discomfort and expect growth.